![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ficbitching: "Letters From The Heart"
Well. Well well well well. "Letters From The Heart", by Friezaess.
I had managed to forget about this fic for some time. I was going to ficbitch this eye-sporking FAKE songfic I'd found more recently, but then I remembered this little monster.
What's so horrible about it? Lots of things.
Let's start off with the summary, hmm?
JJ sends Dee a letter telling him just how deep the pain of one-sided love runs. The problem is, a reply may be impossible. Contains suicide themes.
For one thing, it's not good when a fic summary tells you absolutely everything you need to know about the fic inside. You hardly have to read the fic after reading this summary.
For another thing - JJ SUICIDE FIC. But we'll get to that.
This is my first FAKE fan-fic, and methinks Dee went a little bit out of
character. Just grin and bear it, 'k? ^_^;;;
Dee? You think DEE is out of character?! Honey, Dee is the LEAST of your worries here.
Dear Dee,
I saw you again today. You were with that partner of your's, laughing together. How is it that this man managed to win the heart of my love after only a few weeks, whilst I, who have known you for years, am left to rot? What is it that I'm lacking? Am I not good enough for you, Dee Laytner?
Oh, god. Is this really JJ? I know JJ can be a bit of a drama queen over Dee, but this is a tiny bit much.
I have this mental image of JJ collapsed dramatically to his knees in a spotlight, pressing one hand theatrically to his head as he mourns, while a few snowflakes blow by for artistic effect. "Oh, Dee, eternal green-eyed fire of my heart, am I to be left out in the terrible cold? Alas, our love was never to be~"
Also, improper apostrophe use. Joy.
This is getting old. Of course I've tried to forget about you, but these feelings I have just won't relent. I just want to be with you... I just want you to love me like I do you. Have you any idea how much it hurts knowing that the one person whom your heart beats for feels nothing but resentment for you? I'd rather have every bone in my body broken than live with the pain of a one-sided love. And now, this rookie just waltzes into the precinct and you're all over him. And I thought things were bad before. Now... seeing your hands all over him... seeing your lips on his... it hurts so bad. Dear God, it hurts.
Things wrong with this paragraph:
1. JJ really is not this melodramatic.
2. "I'd rather have every bone in my body broken than live with the pain of a one-sided love." OW. Author dear, unrequited love sucks, but you can get over it, and it's possible to distract yourself from it. Not so with EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY BEING BROKEN. That's cliché anyway.
3. JJ's calling Ryou a rookie? Ryou was at the precinct before JJ was.
4. No, really, I mean it about the melodrama. Stop it.
You know, it's not like JJ doesn't get upset about Dee coming on to Ryou and not to him. He does. But he can deal with it better than this, dammit.
You were focused on becoming a cop; it was your sole purpose in life, like so many of our peers. Of course I wanted to as well, but unlike you, it wasn't my life. There were other proffessions I could do if I wanted to. I just wanted to live happily.
You made that impossible.
Uh?
Friezaess, darling? Call me ignorant, but I don't think anybody who wants to become a cop would be that lackadaisical about it. JJ takes his job and his work pretty seriously.
And I'll just not go into the bad grammar and misspelling of 'professions'.
::looks ahead:: I think we can skip the rest of the letter now. I don't need to tell you what it says. Just imagine a couple paragraphs of angst and melodrama and--
Oh, wait, there's this.
I'm not blind. I see the loathing in your eyes whenever I try to get your attention. You push me aside like a worthless piece of garbage that needs to be thrown out. I can't go on like this, Dee. The pain is just too much.
Dee doesn't think of JJ like that, and definitely doesn't treat JJ like that, even at his most violent. His attitude towards JJ is "STOP FLIRTING WITH ME NOW", not "You little piece of shit. Fuck off and die". He doesn't want JJ coming on to him, but he doesn't hate the kid. Arrrrg.
The rest is all angst and melodrama and goodbye-Dee-I-always-loved-you. Lalalala, let's make POOR LITTLE TRAGICALLY WOUNDED JJ ANGST SOME MORE.
And then it skips to Dee brooding over the letter and JJ's suicide. Two days after the fact. Oh, thanks so much, Friezaess. If this fic had a point, it would be to show JJ's Soul-Crushing Angst and Dee's reaction to the suicide, yet we don't even get to see that. It probably wouldn't have made the fic any less of a travesty, but it would have been something.
Two days after he had been called to the scene of the suicide, Dee recived JJ's letter in the mail. Obviously it had been sent out through the post so that it reached him after the event had taken place. The dark haired man sighed, re-reading the letter for the umpteenth time since he'd found it amongst the morning mail, as Ryo brought him his daily boost of caffine from the coffee machine in the hall. "What's that?" He gestured towards the letter his partner was focused on. "Oh, this?" Dee faultered. "Uh... it's just a letter from the Penguin asking how I am and stuff. Don't worry about it."
And Ryou apparently goes happily on his way after hearing this. Um? What happened here? As I understand Ryou, wouldn't he sort of notice that Dee was upset, see that Dee was bluffing about the letter, and at least wonder a bit?
Also, dialogue without line breaks. Mmmm. Tasty.
Oh, and then Dee starts writing a letter back to the now-deceased JJ, which is very nearly as melodramatic as the first one.
Dear JJ,
I wish I'd never had met you. That way you'd be living happily like you wished for, and I wouldn't be sitting here with your blood on my hands. Why couldn't you just accept that I didn't hold those feelings for you? Why did you have to throw yourself off a fucking building to get away from it all?! That was just plain stupid, you know that?!
Why, I believe I'm actually agreeing with Dee here. It was just plain stupid - JJ would not commit suicide. Ever.
Melodrama and AAAAAAAANGST aside, this is my single biggest problem with the fic. Everything we see of JJ in canon indicates that he's just inherently cheerful and upbeat. When he's upset over something, he tends to vent it and then get on with his life. I mean, just look at the scene in volume 3 where he's crying to Drake out of sheer frustration. He's upset, yes, but he's getting it out of his system. And he's quick to take Drake's suggestion, sparkling happily when he gets Dee to play along even a little bit.
Even when his friend Max dies, JJ is able to recover. Matou shows us that Max's death was a hell of a lot harder on JJ than ANYTHING Dee has ever done. Yet when Ryou and Dee come to check on him, and Ryou tells him how worried Drake is, JJ tells him flat out that he isn't going to commit suicide.
And he's a cop in New York City. He takes his work seriously, and he's not fragile enough to go flinging himself off a building just because DEE DOESN'T WUV HIM OMG. He's tough enough to deal with a lot of crap, and optimistic enough to have hope no matter what. So what about this says he's suicidal?
Dee's letter goes on for a couple of paragraphs, and he signs it with "Sincearly, ~Dee Laytner".
And then, mercifully, the fic ends, although not without this cutesy little postscript/reviewbeg:
Review, else I'll make Tokyopop censor the last volume of FAKE when it comes out ^_~
UGH.
The spelling and grammar in this fic could have been worse, but the story is weak, the melodrama is stifling, the characterization is bad and JJ WOULD NEVER DO THIS EVER.
Friezaess, darling - next time you have a whim, examine it in detail and make sure it's actually a sound idea before you inflict it on the rest of us.
I had managed to forget about this fic for some time. I was going to ficbitch this eye-sporking FAKE songfic I'd found more recently, but then I remembered this little monster.
What's so horrible about it? Lots of things.
Let's start off with the summary, hmm?
JJ sends Dee a letter telling him just how deep the pain of one-sided love runs. The problem is, a reply may be impossible. Contains suicide themes.
For one thing, it's not good when a fic summary tells you absolutely everything you need to know about the fic inside. You hardly have to read the fic after reading this summary.
For another thing - JJ SUICIDE FIC. But we'll get to that.
This is my first FAKE fan-fic, and methinks Dee went a little bit out of
character. Just grin and bear it, 'k? ^_^;;;
Dee? You think DEE is out of character?! Honey, Dee is the LEAST of your worries here.
Dear Dee,
I saw you again today. You were with that partner of your's, laughing together. How is it that this man managed to win the heart of my love after only a few weeks, whilst I, who have known you for years, am left to rot? What is it that I'm lacking? Am I not good enough for you, Dee Laytner?
Oh, god. Is this really JJ? I know JJ can be a bit of a drama queen over Dee, but this is a tiny bit much.
I have this mental image of JJ collapsed dramatically to his knees in a spotlight, pressing one hand theatrically to his head as he mourns, while a few snowflakes blow by for artistic effect. "Oh, Dee, eternal green-eyed fire of my heart, am I to be left out in the terrible cold? Alas, our love was never to be~"
Also, improper apostrophe use. Joy.
This is getting old. Of course I've tried to forget about you, but these feelings I have just won't relent. I just want to be with you... I just want you to love me like I do you. Have you any idea how much it hurts knowing that the one person whom your heart beats for feels nothing but resentment for you? I'd rather have every bone in my body broken than live with the pain of a one-sided love. And now, this rookie just waltzes into the precinct and you're all over him. And I thought things were bad before. Now... seeing your hands all over him... seeing your lips on his... it hurts so bad. Dear God, it hurts.
Things wrong with this paragraph:
1. JJ really is not this melodramatic.
2. "I'd rather have every bone in my body broken than live with the pain of a one-sided love." OW. Author dear, unrequited love sucks, but you can get over it, and it's possible to distract yourself from it. Not so with EVERY BONE IN YOUR BODY BEING BROKEN. That's cliché anyway.
3. JJ's calling Ryou a rookie? Ryou was at the precinct before JJ was.
4. No, really, I mean it about the melodrama. Stop it.
You know, it's not like JJ doesn't get upset about Dee coming on to Ryou and not to him. He does. But he can deal with it better than this, dammit.
You were focused on becoming a cop; it was your sole purpose in life, like so many of our peers. Of course I wanted to as well, but unlike you, it wasn't my life. There were other proffessions I could do if I wanted to. I just wanted to live happily.
You made that impossible.
Uh?
Friezaess, darling? Call me ignorant, but I don't think anybody who wants to become a cop would be that lackadaisical about it. JJ takes his job and his work pretty seriously.
And I'll just not go into the bad grammar and misspelling of 'professions'.
::looks ahead:: I think we can skip the rest of the letter now. I don't need to tell you what it says. Just imagine a couple paragraphs of angst and melodrama and--
Oh, wait, there's this.
I'm not blind. I see the loathing in your eyes whenever I try to get your attention. You push me aside like a worthless piece of garbage that needs to be thrown out. I can't go on like this, Dee. The pain is just too much.
Dee doesn't think of JJ like that, and definitely doesn't treat JJ like that, even at his most violent. His attitude towards JJ is "STOP FLIRTING WITH ME NOW", not "You little piece of shit. Fuck off and die". He doesn't want JJ coming on to him, but he doesn't hate the kid. Arrrrg.
The rest is all angst and melodrama and goodbye-Dee-I-always-loved-you. Lalalala, let's make POOR LITTLE TRAGICALLY WOUNDED JJ ANGST SOME MORE.
And then it skips to Dee brooding over the letter and JJ's suicide. Two days after the fact. Oh, thanks so much, Friezaess. If this fic had a point, it would be to show JJ's Soul-Crushing Angst and Dee's reaction to the suicide, yet we don't even get to see that. It probably wouldn't have made the fic any less of a travesty, but it would have been something.
Two days after he had been called to the scene of the suicide, Dee recived JJ's letter in the mail. Obviously it had been sent out through the post so that it reached him after the event had taken place. The dark haired man sighed, re-reading the letter for the umpteenth time since he'd found it amongst the morning mail, as Ryo brought him his daily boost of caffine from the coffee machine in the hall. "What's that?" He gestured towards the letter his partner was focused on. "Oh, this?" Dee faultered. "Uh... it's just a letter from the Penguin asking how I am and stuff. Don't worry about it."
And Ryou apparently goes happily on his way after hearing this. Um? What happened here? As I understand Ryou, wouldn't he sort of notice that Dee was upset, see that Dee was bluffing about the letter, and at least wonder a bit?
Also, dialogue without line breaks. Mmmm. Tasty.
Oh, and then Dee starts writing a letter back to the now-deceased JJ, which is very nearly as melodramatic as the first one.
Dear JJ,
I wish I'd never had met you. That way you'd be living happily like you wished for, and I wouldn't be sitting here with your blood on my hands. Why couldn't you just accept that I didn't hold those feelings for you? Why did you have to throw yourself off a fucking building to get away from it all?! That was just plain stupid, you know that?!
Why, I believe I'm actually agreeing with Dee here. It was just plain stupid - JJ would not commit suicide. Ever.
Melodrama and AAAAAAAANGST aside, this is my single biggest problem with the fic. Everything we see of JJ in canon indicates that he's just inherently cheerful and upbeat. When he's upset over something, he tends to vent it and then get on with his life. I mean, just look at the scene in volume 3 where he's crying to Drake out of sheer frustration. He's upset, yes, but he's getting it out of his system. And he's quick to take Drake's suggestion, sparkling happily when he gets Dee to play along even a little bit.
Even when his friend Max dies, JJ is able to recover. Matou shows us that Max's death was a hell of a lot harder on JJ than ANYTHING Dee has ever done. Yet when Ryou and Dee come to check on him, and Ryou tells him how worried Drake is, JJ tells him flat out that he isn't going to commit suicide.
And he's a cop in New York City. He takes his work seriously, and he's not fragile enough to go flinging himself off a building just because DEE DOESN'T WUV HIM OMG. He's tough enough to deal with a lot of crap, and optimistic enough to have hope no matter what. So what about this says he's suicidal?
Dee's letter goes on for a couple of paragraphs, and he signs it with "Sincearly, ~Dee Laytner".
And then, mercifully, the fic ends, although not without this cutesy little postscript/reviewbeg:
Review, else I'll make Tokyopop censor the last volume of FAKE when it comes out ^_~
UGH.
The spelling and grammar in this fic could have been worse, but the story is weak, the melodrama is stifling, the characterization is bad and JJ WOULD NEVER DO THIS EVER.
Friezaess, darling - next time you have a whim, examine it in detail and make sure it's actually a sound idea before you inflict it on the rest of us.
no subject
Oh frickin' God, and JJ kills himself in the EXACT WAY he told Ryou he would NEVER kill himself. ("I'm feeling kind of depressed, but I'm not going to jump off a building, jeez.")
My only consolation is that because Drake was not mentioned, I'm going to assume that he was waiting under that building, caught Overdramatic!JJ when he jumped and the two moved to Bahamas to help JJ regain his cheerfulness, never to return to this version of the 27th precinct where no one gave a shit about them.
no subject
Not a problem - it is my joy to serve.
My only consolation is that because Drake was not mentioned, I'm going to assume that he was waiting under that building, caught Overdramatic!JJ when he jumped and the two moved to Bahamas to help JJ regain his cheerfulness, never to return to this version of the 27th precinct where no one gave a shit about them.
I like that ending. That's a nice ending. I think I'll start assuming that too.