fuyu: (contemplative)
Lyssie ([personal profile] fuyu) wrote2007-10-23 01:27 am

random stop on tonight's train of thought

It's kind of interesting. On the one hand, I can't wait to go to Florida. On the other hand, I'm a little worried at how high my hopes are for going. I'm sort of half-expecting this huge personal renaissance, I think I more or less need that since I'm so shit at social skills, responsibility, and general adult competence all at once; and if I go to Disney World and I work there for five months and it doesn't happen I'm going to be pretty disappointed.

Also, in the back of my mind I'm terrified. I've never done any more significant work work than those ten hours of volunteer work I did formatting watering charts for ASU, and now I'm going to be working attractions at freakin' Disney World. I'm sort of worried I'm going to explode.

I mean, I'm still going. That is non-negotiable. My spot's accepted, my fee is paid. I'm just worried about what'll happen once I'm there. I'm scared I won't be cut out for it.

Hahahaha, I'm probably not supposed to identify with Ben Kowalski so much, but every time I tell myself how much better I'll feel once I get to Florida, how much better I'll get at things from working at WDW, that line goes through my head. "I didn't want to find out the problem wasn't geography. Surprise. I'm fundamentally incapable. And now I'm twelve hundred miles from anyone who cares."

Of course, the context for that was Ben's realization that he's not. Here's hoping I handle my bump all right.

And here's hoping that in May I finally have some social skills.




ANYWAY. Tomorrow I have an early class, a costume to work on, some writing to do, and a game to pick up. Better sleep so I can handle all that.

[identity profile] yamikaosu.livejournal.com 2007-10-25 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
I admit, I'm new to what you have going on with this, but...

It sounds as if it will be a very different, very huge experience for you. It's my opinion that anything that big's going to change something...perhaps not specifically what you're aiming for, or in exactly the way you want, but it will happen. Social skills are overrated?

I don't know how much room I have to say so, but don't fret too much, hmm? Something'll happen while you're there, and I'm sure that whatever does, you'll be able to take it and apply it in a positive way.

...and your "twelve hundred miles" thing has already been refuted, so uh...yeah. :D