fuyu: (Default)
Lyssie ([personal profile] fuyu) wrote2007-12-26 10:19 pm

[Fic] PW, "NSFW" (part 1/?)

Technically a kinkmeme fic - done for a kinkmeme prompt, anyway - but the part of the meme this prompt was on is maxed, and I can't post it there. So, what the hell, posting it here first. Screw anonymity.

So far, despite the title, the fic actually is safe for work. XD

Title: NSFW
Words: 1,742
Pairing: Phoenix/Edgeworth
Rating: PG-13 for now
Summary: Nothing is safe from the Internet.
Prompt: "Maya discovers Nick/Edgey RPS on the internet. Hilarity ensues."


* Now talking in #steelsamuraifans
*Topic is '#steelsamuraifans - For great justice.'
*Set by DieZauberflote on Sun Jul 07 2:39:45
[OriginalPinkPrincess] HI everyone! :)
[pocketchange] OPP!!
[xXxchaosxXx] hey opp!
[DieZauberflote] Yes, but all I'm saying is that higher production values alone do not equal quality. Nickel Samurai was certainly more polished, but it was not a better show.
[DieZauberflote] Hello.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Aw, sounds like I missed a fun argument
[xXxchaosxXx] depends on your definition of fun ;p
[sober_pirate] Man, I told you, don't bother arguing with Zauberflote. He'll eat you raw. ;p
[DieZauberflote] Nonsense.
[DieZauberflote] I always cook my meals thoroughly.
[xXxchaosxXx] haha
[xXxchaosxXx] so anyway how're you doin opp
[pocketchange] Yeah, you haven't been online for a while!
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Well you know
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Computers and internet in Kurain = no
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I told you guys, we have ONE phone
[sober_pirate] Wait, then how...
[pocketchange] but you're in LA now, right?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Yeah I'm mooching off my little brother's computer.
[DieZauberflote] Your "little brother", hm?
[xXxchaosxXx] man my brother would kill me if i touched his comp
[OriginalPinkPrincess] TECHNICALLY he's not little, or my actual brother but who's counting really?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] ...why?
[DieZauberflote] Ha, ha... never mind. You just sound very much like someone I know.
[pocketchange] Oh, I think I remember. You can't buy Pink Princess cards there either, right?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Small world I guess!
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Yeah you pretty much can't get anything here
[sober_pirate] Where the heck do you live, under a rock?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] On top of one actually. Mountain village!
[xXxchaosxXx] steel samurai is truly the universal fandom
[xXxchaosxXx] it touches even those in buttfuck nowhere
[pocketchange] Be polite chaos >=[
[DieZauberflote] Actually, I suspect the description is rather accurate, if vulgar.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] TWO HOUR TRAIN RIDE FROM LA, you do the math
[xXxchaosxXx] yeah see
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Yeah, so anyway what's up guys?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I don't think I've met Zauberflote or Pirate before
[OriginalPinkPrincess] you guys new?
[pocketchange] Zauberflote's a reg too actually, just somehow you've never been here at the same time before
[sober_pirate] I only got into the fandom like a month ago.
[sober_pirate] Also, obviously you and Zauberflote are the same person, OPP.
[DieZauberflote] In that case, our multitasking skills must be legendary.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] clearly I have a split personality!
[pocketchange] OPP, I never knew!! =o
[sober_pirate] YOUR SECRET IS OUT
[xXxchaosxXx] WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF

"Maya?"

The click of keys ceased as Maya looked up, fingers still poised above the keyboard. "Yeah, Nick?"

"Have you seen my good tie? I specifically left it out so I could find it..."

"Did you check the kitchen?"

Phoenix's expression clearly betrayed what he didn't want to have to say aloud.

"You never know," Maya chirped in answer to his thought. "Maybe you picked it up and wandered into the kitchen with it and forgot. I've done that!"

Phoenix slowly retreated from the den without saying another word.

Maya shrugged and looked back at the screen.

[sober_pirate] A guilty silence.
[pocketchange] Oh no, the truth comes out!
[DieZauberflote] You collapsed the waveform.
[xXxchaosxXx] what?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Sorry bout that guys, little brother wanted to know if I'd seen his tie
[sober_pirate] What did he want his tie for?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] he's got a date tonight!
[pocketchange] Awww =)
[OriginalPinkPrincess] That's the whole reason I'm even stealing his comp really
[OriginalPinkPrincess] if he weren't busy I'd be spending time with him
[OriginalPinkPrincess] but I'm here for a week, so it's no problem :)
[xXxchaosxXx] you don't live with him huh?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Nope, he lives here in LA

"Found it!" Phoenix's voice was faint from across the apartment, but the words were distinct.

"Where was it?" Maya called back, still watching the screen.

There was a long pause before he answered.

"In the kitchen."

[OriginalPinkPrincess] HA, it's exactly where I told him it was!!
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I am just that awesome
[pocketchange] clearly!
[DieZauberflote] So he found it without the use of a map and a GPS receiver? I'm impressed.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] It's a great feat for him ;)
[sober_pirate] Oh my god.
[sober_pirate] Oh my god, you guys.
[sober_pirate] I hate to interrupt but you have to hear what I just found.
[xXxchaosxXx] fabulous treasure?
[sober_pirate] CLOSE.
[pocketchange] Well dont hold out on us pirate!
[sober_pirate] http://www.chimerahost.net/~TitaniumSamurai22/rps.html
[OriginalPinkPrincess] What is this?
[sober_pirate] Click it.
[sober_pirate] Seriously. Just click it.
[pocketchange] OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA
[pocketchange] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
[sober_pirate] I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THAT
[DieZauberflote] Dear merciful God.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Guys guys what is it? our internet's slow!
[OriginalPinkPrincess] wait there it goes
[OriginalPinkPrincess] ... o m g

It was one of those tacky, over-dressed websites Maya had quickly grown to disdain as she became more experienced on the Internet, which no doubt contributed to the slow loading time. There was an obnoxious flowery border, and brightly colored text barely readable against the background. But as Maya stared long enough to penetrate the suffocating air of twee, she realized what she was looking at.

~*~ ♥ Real Person Slash ♥ ~*~, said the title header.

[DieZauberflote] I don't believe I'm looking at this.
[sober_pirate] You have to scroll all the way down. This is amazing.
[pocketchange] I knew this was coming some day, I just never realized today would be that day
[xXxchaosxXx] ha ha holy shit i think i know this person
[xXxchaosxXx] the archivist I mean
[OriginalPinkPrincess] these TITLES
[OriginalPinkPrincess] "Strength of Will" hahaha
[pocketchange] I don't think I can ever show these to WP, he will faint on the spot
[xXxchaosxXx] jesus, people even wrote corrida/engarde?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Ew, but why would you even want to write that?
[xXxchaosxXx] i know right
[sober_pirate] Corrida/Engarde isn't even the most hilarious thing on this page, I'm telling you SCROLL DOWN.
[DieZauberflote] ...
[pocketchange] oh my god OPP look
[pocketchange] number #15 on the list
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I'm almost there, I'm looking at--

Number 15 did not look out of place on the website at first glance. The title was as unintentionally hilarious as the rest ("Your Precious Breath"), and while the pink font clashed with the lime green before it and the purple immediately following, it at least clashed consistently. But what was unexpected, and blew several fuses in her brain, was the pairing.

Phoenix Wright/Miles Edgeworth

[OriginalPinkPrincess] WHAT IS THIS
[OriginalPinkPrincess] WHAT
[OriginalPinkPrincess] WHAT
[OriginalPinkPrincess] HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[sober_pirate] You hit the lawyer fic, right? You all found the lawyer fic?
[DieZauberflote] Yes.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
[pocketchange] I've MET Phoenix Wright!! I can't stop laughing!
[OriginalPinkPrincess] YOU can't stop laughing?! Oh my god I'm seriously going to die here
[xXxchaosxXx] yea this is pretty whack
[xXxchaosxXx] but i'm actually more surprised by corrida/engarde
[sober_pirate] Yeah, but this is just so off the wall...
[DieZauberflote] I am honestly without words.

"Are you dying in here? Do I need to call an ambulance?"

Maya took in a long gasp of air, only to resume her helpless giggling.

"Okay, so, if I have to ask Pearls to channel you in court for me..."

"Fine!" Maya squeaked, waving a hand desperately. "I'm f-fine. I'm fine."

"What's so funny, anyway?" Phoenix asked, fully entering the room and starting towards the computer. Maya flung herself at the screen, concealing it.

"Later! I'll show you later!"

Phoenix raised one eyebrow in complete silence.

"Just... j-just get ready for your date," she insisted, unable to stop the giggles.

Phoenix threw his hands up in defeat and walked out again.

[OriginalPinkPrincess] i can't breathe here you guys this is incredible
[pocketchange] Breathe, OPP! we don't want to lose you!
[DieZauberflote] Yes, your brother would miss you.
[sober_pirate] READ IT.
[sober_pirate] Er, once you can breathe.
[pocketchange] Is it really bad?! :D
[xXxchaosxXx] haha i bet this is really weird for you pocket
[xXxchaosxXx] you worked with WP and hammer right?
[pocketchange] Yes! I'm reading one of the WP/Hammer fics right now, it's so hilarious
[xXxchaosxXx] is it IC? ;p
[pocketchange] Well I can't read WP's mind or anything but I'm pretty sure he never called Hammer "wise mentor" as a pet name
[DieZauberflote] I'm reading one of the Miles/Wright stories right now.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] wait there's MORE THAN ONE?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] oh hahahaha there is!!
[DieZauberflote] It's quite...
[DieZauberflote] Interesting.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Lil bro wanted to know what I'm laughing so hard at. I CAN'T TELL HIM
[pocketchange] Is he not a fan?
[pocketchange] Or is he a fan and he'd freak out? ;)
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Uhhhhh...
[OriginalPinkPrincess] He's not a fan
[OriginalPinkPrincess] but he WOULD freak out
[OriginalPinkPrincess] you have no idea how much this would blow his mind
[DieZauberflote] I think I can imagine.
[sober_pirate] I seriously love this fandom you guys.
[sober_pirate] We have crazy cosplay, naginata porn and now LAWYER SLASH.
[xXxchaosxXx] why would you ever need anything else?!
[pocketchange] My night is totally made.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] mine too omg

By now, Maya had managed to get her giggles under control. She wiped tears of mirth from her eyes as she switched between the IRC program and the browser. She held the cursor indecisively over the link to "Your Precious Breath", debating with herself whether to click or not.

On the one hand, she knew without doubt that the pairing itself was - she stifled another giggle - in-character. But the prospect of reading a sappy romance about Nick, written by someone who didn't know him, was still wreaking havoc on her brain. On the other hand, it promised to be extremely entertaining.

She flipped back to the IRC window, intending to ask DieZauberflote which story he was reading and if it was any good.

Only to find a private chat window had already popped up.

[DieZauberflote] Maya, tell Wright I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, will you?
[DieZauberflote] Also, send me that link later.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] wait
[OriginalPinkPrincess] Mr. Edgeworth?!
[DieZauberflote] Yes.
[OriginalPinkPrincess] I had no idea you used IRC!! You were a total ninja, I had no idea it was you!
[DieZauberflote] Yes, well, I find it's prudent to conceal one's identity online.
[DieZauberflote] Especially given tonight's conversation.
[DieZauberflote] Anyway, I really can't stay and talk, or I'll be late picking up Wright. Is he ready to go?
[OriginalPinkPrincess] One sec.

"Nick! Are you ready to go?"

"Just about. Why?"

"Mr. Edgeworth says he'll be here in about fifteen minutes!"

"Huh? What? Do you have him on the phone or something?"

[OriginalPinkPrincess] He says just about.
[DieZauberflote] Good. I'm shutting down now, I'll see you and him when I get there.
[DieZauberflote] Make sure to save that link.

*** DieZauberflote has quit IRC