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No Pants! 2k4 fic
... Well, I did it. XDXDXD
Do feel free to poke and beta at this, I want to post it someday.
So, yes... this was in fact a real event. XD The temptation was too much to resist.
Seeing it only out of the corner of his eye, his attention focused on the newspaper, Ryou didn't realize at first what he'd seen. With Dee gently snoring on his shoulder and his thoughts occupied by an article about the accomplishments of some charity or another, Ryou wasn't really sparing the outside world much of a thought.
He was in the middle of reading how much money the charity had donated for Christmas presents at the end of the year when his brain caught up with his eyes and brought his train of thought to a screeching halt. His head snapped up and around to verify what he had just seen, and Dee grunted in his sleep as his pillow gave a sharp jerk of surprise.
A man had just stepped onto the subway car wearing no pants.
Ryou stared in blank disbelief for several minutes, wondering if all the long hours he and Dee had been putting in at work lately were beginning to affect his mind. It wasn't as if the man was naked, or even revealing very much - he did have boxers on, and from the waist up he was wearing layers appropriate for the January weather. Nor was he even trying to call attention to himself. He was staring in front of himself at nothing in particular, even seeming slightly bored. Just another average New Yorker taking the subway home. Except that he wasn't wearing pants.
Still not quite believing his eyes, and yet not able to take them away, Ryou nudged Dee sharply. Dee twitched and let out an unintelligible mumble as he lifted his head about an inch, then pointedly buried his face in Ryou's shoulder and obstinately wrapped his arms around his partner. At any other time, Ryou would have found that cute, but right now he desperately needed a second opinion on the status of his sanity.
"Dee, wake up."
"Mmrgl."
"Dee." Ryou nudged him again with more force. "Wake *up*."
Muttering to himself, Dee sulkily let go and sat straight up, yawning as he rubbed at his eyes to bring them back into focus. As soon as he dropped his hand, however, his gaze landed on the pantsless man and all traces of sleepiness fell away from him.
"Ryou," he said uneasily, sotto voce, "is that guy...?"
"So I'm not hallucinating," Ryou murmured back, feeling more than a little relieved.
"He's wearing red plaid boxers," Dee said in disbelief.
Ryou was just opening his mouth to reply when two more pantsless people stepped onto the subway car, not seeming to take any notice of each other, the man Ryou and Dee were already gawking at, or the increasing number of incredulous stares they were getting. Dee followed Ryou's gaze and cursed softly under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief.
At that moment, Ryou suddenly felt very calm. Everything made sense now. He hadn't gone crazy. The world had. Confident in that understanding, Ryou went back to his newspaper.
Dee made it hard to concentrate on reading, however. In the next few minutes several other people streamed into the train car, all of them wearing an assortment of scarves, jackets, and caps, but withut a single pair of pants between them all. Apparently Dee's earlier fatigue could not withstand the sight of so many otherwise ordinary subway patrons in their skivvies, and he took it upon himself to give Ryou a running commentary. Eventually Ryou gave up and folded his paper, if only to stop Dee's annoyingly enthusiastic whispered descriptions of strangers' underwear.
"You don't have to go checking them all out," Ryou said in an annoyed tone. By this time, the rest of the car had started reacting to the unusual patrons, and the level of background noise kept Ryou from having to drop his voice too much.
"Well, it's not like I'm gonna take any of them home or anything," Dee said defensively. "It's just... look at them!"
Ryou did. It was very hard not to.
"You could at least sound a little less enthused when you start describing their asses to me," he muttered.
"I just thought I'd include you in my ogling," Dee said innocently. "We could make this a wonderful bonding experience."
Ryou turned to stare at his partner in utter, mildly horrified disbelief, and then saw how the younger man was struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Despite himself, he let out a little snort of laughter.
"I'll forgive you for now," he said in a mock warning tone, grinning as he leaned over for a quick peck on the cheek. Dee returned it and put his arm casually around Ryou's shoulders.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching the reactions of the other riders with amusement. A lot of people seemed to be doing their absolute best to ignore the inordinate amount of exposed underwear surrounding them. Several others were muttering between themselves, apparently at a loss as to what to do when faced with a situation like this. The pantsless appeared to be scattered throughout the car, paying no attention to each other or to the attention they were getting.
One brave Asian lady finally got up the nerve to approach a pantsless woman and tap her on the shoulder. She turned around, utterly unconcerned.
"Yes?"
"I don't understand what's going on here," the Asian lady began uncertainly. "Why are you doing this?"
"Well, I was in such a hurry this morning that I forgot my pants," the other woman explained.
"But everyone else?" the Asian woman insisted, desperately confused. Dee suppressed a snort of laughter. "Why are they in underwear?"
Dee had buried his face in Ryou's shoulder again and was snickering.
The first woman looked around the car, seeming genuinely puzzled as she saw all the other pantsless riders apparently for the first time. "Oh, I'm not sure. That's weird." She looked to a pantsless man, who nodded.
"Yeah, I forgot mine too."
Dee seemed to be having a seizure.
The Asian woman slunk back to her seat, defeated and utterly bewildered. The pantsless woman resumed leaning casually against the support pole. Ryou began to think about suggesting to Dee that they disembark at the next stop and get Dee a drink of water before continuing home.
Eventually Dee stopped laughing and got his breathing back under control. Ryou glanced sidelong at him and gave a sardonic smile.
"I think I'm gonna join 'em," Dee said suddenly. Ryou blinked, his mouth dropping open.
"What?"
"You heard me." Dee grinned unashamedly. "It'll be a way of showing support for all these poor saps who forgot their pants."
"You can't be serious."
"Don't think so? Watch me, lover." Still grinning, Dee turned to the red plaid boxers man. "Hey, you mind if I take my pants off too?"
"Well, if you want to, go ahead," the man said, shrugging. Before Ryou could get out a word of protest, Dee was doing exactly that with far more enthusiasm than was really called for. A few people nearby recoiled in horror, but Ryou heard a loud whoop from somewhere in the car as Dee got free of his jeans and casually folded them up.
The sheer surreality of it all was too much for Ryou to take. He began to laugh helplessly as Dee sat down again and coolly handed Ryou his pants. Several more people had taken up the cheering, and Ryou fell against Dee's side, shaking with laughter. The only people in the car who weren't really saying or doing anything were, of course, the people without pants. Ryou had already suspected that this was some kind of elaborate prank, and at this point all doubts were gone. For a wild instant he was tempted to get in on the joke as Dee had, but felt that sitting on the subway holding his lover's pants while their owner sat next to him in his boxer shorts was probably enough.
Soon, as if the powers that be had decided that the day was not yet sufficiently mind-blowing, two new passengers boarded, carrying duffel bags and calling out that they were selling pants for a dollar. Dee actually looked a little disappointed as the various pantsless passengers gravitated towards the venders, many of them expressing relief and gratitude.
"You can keep yours off if you like," Ryou murmured to Dee with a grin.
It wasn't long before the vendors had been bought out of their wares, and in short order Dee was the only one in the car still wearing only his boxers, looking rather put out. Ryou looked over at him, and the sight of his partner sitting there in his underwear and pouting nearly did him in. He had to really fight not to start cracking up again.
A woman who had previously been without pants looked down at Dee, and said, in all apparent seriousness, "Sorry there weren't enough to go around. You look very nice in those boxers, though."
Ryou's self-control shattered.
"Well, thank you," Dee said graciously, casually patting Ryou on the back as the older man choked with laughter. "You looked very nice too. Those floral boxers were definitely you."
"Why, thank you." She smiled sweetly and then glanced at Ryou. "Your friend there seems to be having some trouble."
Ryou had doubled over and was laughing so hard he couldn't even get the sound out. At the woman's remark, however, he sat back up and made an effort to compose himself. "I'm fine," he wheezed. "I'm fine."
"Oh, hey, Ryou," Dee said suddenly. "Here's our stop." And he stood up, moving to the doors as the subway came to a stop. Ryou followed him, still clutching Dee's jeans. They both smiled and waved to the woman, who cordially returned the gesture as the two men stepped out into the station. They got mystified looks from all directions. Ryou felt vaguely self-conscious, but the humor of the situation had long ago gotten the upper hand over embarrassment.
"Your... your pants, Dee," he said, out of breath and chuckling as he handed the garment over to his partner.
"Thanks." Dee smiled and started putting them on right there, obviously beyond caring who stared at him. Ryou shook his head slowly, grinning.
"That was the most insane thing I think I have ever seen happen on a subway," he said as Dee zipped up his fly and fastened the button. The two of them began to make their way towards the station exit. "I can't believe you did it too."
"Yeah, and fat lot of good it did me," Dee said with a laugh. "Pants vendors. Pants vendors! That had to be a prank."
"Well, it was fun, anyway." Ryou smiled as they came out into the open air and onto the sidewalk. "You know, nobody is ever going to believe us when we tell them about this."
"Too bad," Dee laughed. "God, that was fun."
"Nothing like a bit of mass hysteria once in a while," Ryou agreed easily, smirking.
"Did you see that guy in the striped bikini briefs?" Dee turned to grin at his lover. "He was hot."
Ryou punched him in the arm, but he was still smiling. "I would have liked him better without the stubble, but you're right, he was."
Dee laughed. "Hey, I liked the stubble. Made him look nice and rugged."
"I'll be sure to grow some for you," Ryou said dryly.
Dee put his arm around Ryou's shoulders and laid a kiss on his temple. "Don't get too jealous there. I have a strict look-but-don't-touch policy for people who aren't you."
"Glad to hear it." Ryou smiled, reaching up to clasp Dee's hand where it was draped over his shoulder. His apartment building was coming into view.
"Hey," Dee said casually, "you still got that disposable camera lying around?"
"Yeah, there's four shots I've been trying to find an excuse to use up," Ryou replied. "Why?"
"Can I use one? I want a picture of Bikky's face when you tell him about what happened."
Ryou laughed out loud. "For that, Dee, you can use the rest of the film up."
Do feel free to poke and beta at this, I want to post it someday.
So, yes... this was in fact a real event. XD The temptation was too much to resist.
Seeing it only out of the corner of his eye, his attention focused on the newspaper, Ryou didn't realize at first what he'd seen. With Dee gently snoring on his shoulder and his thoughts occupied by an article about the accomplishments of some charity or another, Ryou wasn't really sparing the outside world much of a thought.
He was in the middle of reading how much money the charity had donated for Christmas presents at the end of the year when his brain caught up with his eyes and brought his train of thought to a screeching halt. His head snapped up and around to verify what he had just seen, and Dee grunted in his sleep as his pillow gave a sharp jerk of surprise.
A man had just stepped onto the subway car wearing no pants.
Ryou stared in blank disbelief for several minutes, wondering if all the long hours he and Dee had been putting in at work lately were beginning to affect his mind. It wasn't as if the man was naked, or even revealing very much - he did have boxers on, and from the waist up he was wearing layers appropriate for the January weather. Nor was he even trying to call attention to himself. He was staring in front of himself at nothing in particular, even seeming slightly bored. Just another average New Yorker taking the subway home. Except that he wasn't wearing pants.
Still not quite believing his eyes, and yet not able to take them away, Ryou nudged Dee sharply. Dee twitched and let out an unintelligible mumble as he lifted his head about an inch, then pointedly buried his face in Ryou's shoulder and obstinately wrapped his arms around his partner. At any other time, Ryou would have found that cute, but right now he desperately needed a second opinion on the status of his sanity.
"Dee, wake up."
"Mmrgl."
"Dee." Ryou nudged him again with more force. "Wake *up*."
Muttering to himself, Dee sulkily let go and sat straight up, yawning as he rubbed at his eyes to bring them back into focus. As soon as he dropped his hand, however, his gaze landed on the pantsless man and all traces of sleepiness fell away from him.
"Ryou," he said uneasily, sotto voce, "is that guy...?"
"So I'm not hallucinating," Ryou murmured back, feeling more than a little relieved.
"He's wearing red plaid boxers," Dee said in disbelief.
Ryou was just opening his mouth to reply when two more pantsless people stepped onto the subway car, not seeming to take any notice of each other, the man Ryou and Dee were already gawking at, or the increasing number of incredulous stares they were getting. Dee followed Ryou's gaze and cursed softly under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief.
At that moment, Ryou suddenly felt very calm. Everything made sense now. He hadn't gone crazy. The world had. Confident in that understanding, Ryou went back to his newspaper.
Dee made it hard to concentrate on reading, however. In the next few minutes several other people streamed into the train car, all of them wearing an assortment of scarves, jackets, and caps, but withut a single pair of pants between them all. Apparently Dee's earlier fatigue could not withstand the sight of so many otherwise ordinary subway patrons in their skivvies, and he took it upon himself to give Ryou a running commentary. Eventually Ryou gave up and folded his paper, if only to stop Dee's annoyingly enthusiastic whispered descriptions of strangers' underwear.
"You don't have to go checking them all out," Ryou said in an annoyed tone. By this time, the rest of the car had started reacting to the unusual patrons, and the level of background noise kept Ryou from having to drop his voice too much.
"Well, it's not like I'm gonna take any of them home or anything," Dee said defensively. "It's just... look at them!"
Ryou did. It was very hard not to.
"You could at least sound a little less enthused when you start describing their asses to me," he muttered.
"I just thought I'd include you in my ogling," Dee said innocently. "We could make this a wonderful bonding experience."
Ryou turned to stare at his partner in utter, mildly horrified disbelief, and then saw how the younger man was struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Despite himself, he let out a little snort of laughter.
"I'll forgive you for now," he said in a mock warning tone, grinning as he leaned over for a quick peck on the cheek. Dee returned it and put his arm casually around Ryou's shoulders.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, watching the reactions of the other riders with amusement. A lot of people seemed to be doing their absolute best to ignore the inordinate amount of exposed underwear surrounding them. Several others were muttering between themselves, apparently at a loss as to what to do when faced with a situation like this. The pantsless appeared to be scattered throughout the car, paying no attention to each other or to the attention they were getting.
One brave Asian lady finally got up the nerve to approach a pantsless woman and tap her on the shoulder. She turned around, utterly unconcerned.
"Yes?"
"I don't understand what's going on here," the Asian lady began uncertainly. "Why are you doing this?"
"Well, I was in such a hurry this morning that I forgot my pants," the other woman explained.
"But everyone else?" the Asian woman insisted, desperately confused. Dee suppressed a snort of laughter. "Why are they in underwear?"
Dee had buried his face in Ryou's shoulder again and was snickering.
The first woman looked around the car, seeming genuinely puzzled as she saw all the other pantsless riders apparently for the first time. "Oh, I'm not sure. That's weird." She looked to a pantsless man, who nodded.
"Yeah, I forgot mine too."
Dee seemed to be having a seizure.
The Asian woman slunk back to her seat, defeated and utterly bewildered. The pantsless woman resumed leaning casually against the support pole. Ryou began to think about suggesting to Dee that they disembark at the next stop and get Dee a drink of water before continuing home.
Eventually Dee stopped laughing and got his breathing back under control. Ryou glanced sidelong at him and gave a sardonic smile.
"I think I'm gonna join 'em," Dee said suddenly. Ryou blinked, his mouth dropping open.
"What?"
"You heard me." Dee grinned unashamedly. "It'll be a way of showing support for all these poor saps who forgot their pants."
"You can't be serious."
"Don't think so? Watch me, lover." Still grinning, Dee turned to the red plaid boxers man. "Hey, you mind if I take my pants off too?"
"Well, if you want to, go ahead," the man said, shrugging. Before Ryou could get out a word of protest, Dee was doing exactly that with far more enthusiasm than was really called for. A few people nearby recoiled in horror, but Ryou heard a loud whoop from somewhere in the car as Dee got free of his jeans and casually folded them up.
The sheer surreality of it all was too much for Ryou to take. He began to laugh helplessly as Dee sat down again and coolly handed Ryou his pants. Several more people had taken up the cheering, and Ryou fell against Dee's side, shaking with laughter. The only people in the car who weren't really saying or doing anything were, of course, the people without pants. Ryou had already suspected that this was some kind of elaborate prank, and at this point all doubts were gone. For a wild instant he was tempted to get in on the joke as Dee had, but felt that sitting on the subway holding his lover's pants while their owner sat next to him in his boxer shorts was probably enough.
Soon, as if the powers that be had decided that the day was not yet sufficiently mind-blowing, two new passengers boarded, carrying duffel bags and calling out that they were selling pants for a dollar. Dee actually looked a little disappointed as the various pantsless passengers gravitated towards the venders, many of them expressing relief and gratitude.
"You can keep yours off if you like," Ryou murmured to Dee with a grin.
It wasn't long before the vendors had been bought out of their wares, and in short order Dee was the only one in the car still wearing only his boxers, looking rather put out. Ryou looked over at him, and the sight of his partner sitting there in his underwear and pouting nearly did him in. He had to really fight not to start cracking up again.
A woman who had previously been without pants looked down at Dee, and said, in all apparent seriousness, "Sorry there weren't enough to go around. You look very nice in those boxers, though."
Ryou's self-control shattered.
"Well, thank you," Dee said graciously, casually patting Ryou on the back as the older man choked with laughter. "You looked very nice too. Those floral boxers were definitely you."
"Why, thank you." She smiled sweetly and then glanced at Ryou. "Your friend there seems to be having some trouble."
Ryou had doubled over and was laughing so hard he couldn't even get the sound out. At the woman's remark, however, he sat back up and made an effort to compose himself. "I'm fine," he wheezed. "I'm fine."
"Oh, hey, Ryou," Dee said suddenly. "Here's our stop." And he stood up, moving to the doors as the subway came to a stop. Ryou followed him, still clutching Dee's jeans. They both smiled and waved to the woman, who cordially returned the gesture as the two men stepped out into the station. They got mystified looks from all directions. Ryou felt vaguely self-conscious, but the humor of the situation had long ago gotten the upper hand over embarrassment.
"Your... your pants, Dee," he said, out of breath and chuckling as he handed the garment over to his partner.
"Thanks." Dee smiled and started putting them on right there, obviously beyond caring who stared at him. Ryou shook his head slowly, grinning.
"That was the most insane thing I think I have ever seen happen on a subway," he said as Dee zipped up his fly and fastened the button. The two of them began to make their way towards the station exit. "I can't believe you did it too."
"Yeah, and fat lot of good it did me," Dee said with a laugh. "Pants vendors. Pants vendors! That had to be a prank."
"Well, it was fun, anyway." Ryou smiled as they came out into the open air and onto the sidewalk. "You know, nobody is ever going to believe us when we tell them about this."
"Too bad," Dee laughed. "God, that was fun."
"Nothing like a bit of mass hysteria once in a while," Ryou agreed easily, smirking.
"Did you see that guy in the striped bikini briefs?" Dee turned to grin at his lover. "He was hot."
Ryou punched him in the arm, but he was still smiling. "I would have liked him better without the stubble, but you're right, he was."
Dee laughed. "Hey, I liked the stubble. Made him look nice and rugged."
"I'll be sure to grow some for you," Ryou said dryly.
Dee put his arm around Ryou's shoulders and laid a kiss on his temple. "Don't get too jealous there. I have a strict look-but-don't-touch policy for people who aren't you."
"Glad to hear it." Ryou smiled, reaching up to clasp Dee's hand where it was draped over his shoulder. His apartment building was coming into view.
"Hey," Dee said casually, "you still got that disposable camera lying around?"
"Yeah, there's four shots I've been trying to find an excuse to use up," Ryou replied. "Why?"
"Can I use one? I want a picture of Bikky's face when you tell him about what happened."
Ryou laughed out loud. "For that, Dee, you can use the rest of the film up."
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Oohh... my tummy. You so silly. I love you. XD
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