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Lyssie ([personal profile] fuyu) wrote2006-12-21 07:42 pm

Beauty and the Plothole

The KH-induced nostalgia finally reached breaking point. I sat down to watch Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin back to back last night, and man, did it take me back. Really, it kind of kicks ass to go back and watch these movies again and realize that Disney is actually a lot cooler than we thought. (That fight between Beast and Gaston? BADASS. Aladdin vs. Jafar? HOLY CRAP. This was good damn stuff, man!)

However, as much as I enjoyed this nostalgia trip, I was somewhat dismayed to realize that Beauty and the Beast, one of my favorites, had a bunch of timeline issues I couldn't figure out and had never noticed as a wee thing, such as events that should only have taken a day starting before the "Something There" montage and not resolving until after it. So I talked to [livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan, since she's the biggest Disney fan (and font of Disney knowledge) I know.

[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: Also. Lumiere says they've been not doing much of anything for ten years. The Beast is about 21 because the rose is wilting. ... does that mean the enchantress cursed an 11-year old?
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: I think so. We discussed this somewhere...*goes to find it* XD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: XDD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: Dear enchantress: DUDE. HE WAS ELEVEN. Give him a few years to grow up, woman. XD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: (and, but, the portrait in the west wing. not an eleven-year-old boy. WHAT.)
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: He ate his veggies! XD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: XDDD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: Argh. XD It just bugs me that one of my favorite childhood movies just turned out to have a plotline that doesn't make sense as to what happened when. XD
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: XDD usually in situations like that we don't listen to the songs because there's always something in there that throws off the plot
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: Lumiere is going crazy. He doesn't know what he's talking about xD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: XDD
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: That doesn't solve the snowman-Lefou and what-was-poor-Maurice-just-wandering-all-winter problems, though. XD
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: LeFou is a bit slow, so he really did just sit there until Belle came back XD. Maybe when we see him again it just so happens to be another day when it snows
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: BUT HE WOULD HAVE DIED OF HYPOTHERMIA FIFTY TIMES OVER. XD
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: HE HAS A GOOD JACKET
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: WHAT DID HE EAT
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: THE DEER THAT GRAZED BY
[livejournal.com profile] voodoobob: IN A TOWN?
[livejournal.com profile] princeali_m_fan: LEFOU IS HARDCORE

(LJ-ify your IMs before pasting!)

[identity profile] risingdragon.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
I'll quote Mookie to give you storylogic:

THE CAT TALKS.

[identity profile] bean-bunny.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
NO ONE DICKS UP THE TIMELINE LIKE GASTON

[identity profile] sister-coyote.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 06:00 am (UTC)(link)
...I was going to comment, but this pwns what I was going to say so hard that I am simply going to say *dead from laughing*

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
WELL HE IS. HE ALSO BRUSHED HIS TEETH WITH SMALL TWIGS. HARDxCORE, BIOTCHES.

Ah, Disney plotholes. How we love ye! You cause us to lose sleep trying to figure out a logical explanation even though there isn't one! :D

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
HE STOPPED AT AURORA'S COTTAGE TWO SCENES OVER FOR SOME FOOD AND SHELTER FOR A FEW WEEKS. DURING THAT TIME, HE HAD THREESOMES WITH THE GOOD FAERIES DAILY AND LEARNED HOW TO BAKE CAKES. THIS IS WHY WHEN WE SEE HIM OUT IN THE WOODS, HE'S COUGHING AND SICK BECAUSE HE DIDN'T HUMP ANYONE THAT DAY. HE WAS GOING THROUGH WITHDRAWLS. PROBLEM SOLVED.

Oooooh yeah. There's at least one to two goof ups in each movie, but BATB is like champion of the plot holes xD

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:30 am (UTC)(link)
XD Hey, old people need love, too! They can have threesomes!

Eh, just slap "Disney magic" and that fixes everything XD

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:09 am (UTC)(link)
...would you prefer pictures?

No. NOTHING in the world can help that shit. Not even Mickey Mouse and that's say a lot because Mickey is Jesus with big circular ears.

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
...sure? I know where this one picture of some of the classic Disney characters in this big collage of random orgies, gropings and other bad things is at. It's not that bad...

I know, right? When Mickey gives the stamp of "fuck it; can't fix it", the world is doomed.

(Maleficent is a lazy whore. Plus, she wants to keep her figure XD)

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
How morbid is it feeling? xD

Mickey has not discovered this yet, tis all. He's out promoting the good word of his fellow Disney characters, but when he returns....this will be taken care of.

(And she'd be out of commission for 9 months. Oh HELL no. This just does not compute. Hence why she gets a little man bitch to hold her baby! :D She would have gotten her REAL man bitch Jafar, but he's too skinny to hold a baby. He'd break xD)

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
Sadistic XD (There's WAY worse. That's actually pretty tame...)

Hear ye! :D ...well he IS the messiah of the KH game, whether people like it or not XD

(See? There's a way around EVERYTHING xD)

[identity profile] isanah.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:31 am (UTC)(link)
I. What. With Pete!? They couldn't just find a surrogate?

[identity profile] miss-arel.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
(And ruin her figure? Ignorant fool, that simply isn't done. XD)

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
One of them had to make sure Aurora didn't come home XD. She's starting to get suspicious because they keep sending her out to pick berries every night at 8PM.

[identity profile] isanah.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
Would that be a rotating schedule, or was it always one of them? My vote would be for Fauna as the lookout, just 'cause. XDD

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
I dunno. Probably rotating. Two faeries do the groping, and the left out one watches checks to make sure Aurora doesn't come home early or walk in on them. Maurice is a greedy man xD. He makes them dress up in blue and pink lingerie, and then have a ye old mud fight in the middle of the room. It turns him on oh-so-good.

[identity profile] isanah.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:33 am (UTC)(link)
Why do I get the feeling that Merriweather would be so shafted if she was on rotation? I can just see Flora kinda making her take over her turns on lookout so she gets more time with good ol' Maurice. XD

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:57 am (UTC)(link)
xDD Merriweather wouldn't stand for that shit after a while. Fauna would have to get up so she can out-do Flora in a battle! The ladies can't resist Maurice, man!

Cinderella's fairy Godmother stops by with her wand sometimes....

[identity profile] bassclefsolo.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
XDDDD

..they could have avoided the whole "ten years" issue entirely by replacing the lyrics, but no...
Actually, that's kind of bugged me too. Maybe the prince, or the entire castle, was under some kind of time warp/displacement spell?

And why did no one in the Tiny Quiet Village remember there being a huuuuge castle nearby, if it was only ten years ago? What.
Or, no, wait. They probably did know about it, because the Angry Villagers manage to find it in one song's time; maybe Prince Beast just didn't rule over them before he was cursed. What DID he rule over, anyway? The principality of The Middle of Nowhere's Dark Scary Forest? Did he just have the shiny castle and that's it? D:

Were you watching the DVD release? They actually address some of the continuity issues during the commentary; whether with an explanation (where was Philippe?) or just "we have nooooo idea how LeFou survived all winter!"
Also, their comments on how they realized the Beast didn't have a name crack me up. :D

On a somewhat related note, I've seen the stage musical version, and "Home" is my favorite song that isn't in the movie.

[identity profile] anriko.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Random drive-by icon squeeage.

*SQUEE*

[identity profile] bassclefsolo.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
It was a local Junior Theatre production. XD

[identity profile] princealia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:20 am (UTC)(link)
He ruled over Smurfs *nods*

IS THIS HOOOOME? IS THIS WHAT I MUST LEARN TO BELIIIEVE IIIIN? XD I have that song on a Disney Princess CD when Susan Egan was Belle and it's nice!

[identity profile] skinship.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 05:47 am (UTC)(link)
Well hello thar brainclone. I just watched Aladdin last night (I had to buy a speshul collector's box to get it, but BOY was it worth it) with [livejournal.com profile] hallowd and we both came to the conclusion that Jafar = hardcore. Think about it, he didn't waste a minute, did he? Efficient, smart, but alas, with an overblown ego and power-hungry, which was his downfall in the end. Now there's a villain I can believe in.

And the songs, yow! Alan Menken, how you ruled my childhood.

I'm afraid I can never bring up Aladdin without mentioning that OMG THE FINNISH DUB PWNS. So, there it is. XD

[identity profile] syvia.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 06:08 am (UTC)(link)
Once again, the two of you have killed me.

I hope you're happy!

*snerking*

[identity profile] elanor-pam.livejournal.com 2006-12-22 07:03 am (UTC)(link)
You know, it always sort of made sense to me that Beast& wouldn't get older. If the curse lasted 20 freaking years, the poor prince would end up 40, the older castle inhabitants would probably die of old age, the little chipped teacup I forget the name of would suddenly be an adult who NEVER DEALT WITH TESTOSTERONE and the dog would die as a footrest.

She may have been a Sorceress, but she still had a heart, yanno?