random stop on tonight's train of thought

It's kind of interesting. On the one hand, I can't wait to go to Florida. On the other hand, I'm a little worried at how high my hopes are for going. I'm sort of half-expecting this huge personal renaissance, I think I more or less need that since I'm so shit at social skills, responsibility, and general adult competence all at once; and if I go to Disney World and I work there for five months and it doesn't happen I'm going to be pretty disappointed.

Also, in the back of my mind I'm terrified. I've never done any more significant work work than those ten hours of volunteer work I did formatting watering charts for ASU, and now I'm going to be working attractions at freakin' Disney World. I'm sort of worried I'm going to explode.

I mean, I'm still going. That is non-negotiable. My spot's accepted, my fee is paid. I'm just worried about what'll happen once I'm there. I'm scared I won't be cut out for it.

Hahahaha, I'm probably not supposed to identify with Ben Kowalski so much, but every time I tell myself how much better I'll feel once I get to Florida, how much better I'll get at things from working at WDW, that line goes through my head. "I didn't want to find out the problem wasn't geography. Surprise. I'm fundamentally incapable. And now I'm twelve hundred miles from anyone who cares."

Of course, the context for that was Ben's realization that he's not. Here's hoping I handle my bump all right.

And here's hoping that in May I finally have some social skills.




ANYWAY. Tomorrow I have an early class, a costume to work on, some writing to do, and a game to pick up. Better sleep so I can handle all that.